Erm... first of all, apart from the obvious 'boo' 
I think I should kind of apologize for not posting for so long. Especially after my last post
about knees burnt and stuff...
There's no real explanation, apart from not feeling too comfortable anymore. I only post in my own threads and hardly in anyone else's. I'm having some difficulty dealing with that.
But anyway, I'm OK
I didn't need a surgery for my knee so that was good. It's healed quite well.
I'm also tapering off Cymbalta. Yep... I've been having such bad stomachpains that I just couldn't do it any longer. In the past I had several meds for that, but nothing worked. High doses of omeprazol (Lozac) didn't help either. Doc put me on 80 mg, which is 4times the dose for normal people. This is actually only for people who have a certain kind of condition, but for me.... even these 80 mg did nothing. All those nights I was awake with pain, crying, sick, etc...
Then I suddenly though: waiaiaiaiait a minute... when did these pains start exactly? Well... erm... I traced it back to Cymbalta.... So I told G. I was going to quit. He didn't agree, wanted me to go higher in dosage, and said that physical pain is not a reason to quit. Ha. Right. If only he could know what I have been going through... He said the solution was easy: meds! I told him it wasn't that easy, since nothing has worked so far. Well, then the next step would be a GI-specialist. I said that it wasn't likely my GP would send me there... with my IBS and stuff. But, it made no difference. He was angry with me, sort of. Frustrated. That I was deliberately knocking myself down again this way.
Like I'm dancing around my livingroom happy with myself, my body, and
life when I can hardly sit up straight, have to move around all the time, only because I have such severe pains...
I decided to call my GP anyway, I wanted her to know my decision. She didn't sound happy either. But when I explained, she understood and said that she could support me in this. I do think she wants me back on it if it makes no difference in my stomachpains, but since I know that increasing meds is actually kind of useless with depression, I didn't say much to that.
First I wanted to know what would happen with going down/quitting.
And to be honest... since tapering off (I'm at 15 mg now) I haven't had any pains. Or only so short or slight that it's OK. I also know I'm still not off it completely so... It's harder than getting started though. When I made the step from 60/30 for a week, then 45/30 for a day, and then 30/30.... I got so dizzy that I got pretty scared. It was as if I was spinning around on a chair and then started walking. I had no coordination whatsoever, so I called S. to ask her if that was normal. She didn't know.
But advized me to
stay on 30 mg for about 10 days. And maybe for longer, as a sort of prevention.
But I'm a little stubborn. I want to quit. I'm now at 15mg a day. I'm extremely restless, I can't sleep at night, I need meds for that. I urinate myself to dehydration (yes, I do, I pee so much that I've lost quite a lot of weight, and no matter what I drink... it just doesn't help. Maybe I should use some more salts for a while). I'm still dizzy, that may never disappear fully (Cymbalta CAN cause lifelong dizzyness after quitting...) and I have some form of the much dreaded brainzaps.
So it's a lot harder to quit than to start for me. But I'm determined to keep this up and quit after my first exams in January.
My study is going well! I like it a lot and it feels like a really good choice! In a few weeks I'll get the material that I'm really interested in: learning about meds, how to prepare them and such. Because right now, I'm learning more about social stuff, than about meds
One very positive thing due to this study is that I'm learning and reading about the human body, anatomy and physiology. And after reading it a few times and slowly connection one chapter to the other and understanding how everything is connected in the body.... I've taken on a new attitude towards the body, my body and SI. it's really such a miracle how the human body works... it's kind of disrespectul to destroy that. To disconnect cells from their environment, to destroy them etc.
So, that's keeping me from doing it since last time. (which unfortunately ended up in hospitalization for a night
) That's 2,5 months ago. I
realle hope this can help me beat this
Apart from this, some new physical cr*p. My legs hurt during walking and standing up. I may know what it is, but I'm sure my GP says that's unlikely with me. I will be going to her next week, because it can't be good not to be able to stretch your legs, not being able to walk without pain, having to stop for a while to let the pain get less and mostly to twist my pelvis to be able to even walk. It's not something really new, but it's getting much worse.
We'll see how that ends up!
Anyway.... just wanted to say HI, and also say that inspite o f last years 'negative' things, I'm really looking forward to next year! I have faith in myself, I feel that I'm on the right track and I can't wait to find work in my new area of interest
Also, I don't look back at this
year with many bad feelings. To be honest: I feel this year was quite good really... It may sound a little weird: I've had 2 hospitalizations, one stay at
the ward for the Cymbalta-start for 4 weeks, I lost my job.... But when I look back I just cannot say that this was a bad year. I feel I made a new start in a
way and mostly look at the changes I made in how I deal with things and changes in how I was and now feel I am.
I'm not sure I'm here frequently by the way.... just felt like I had to update you. And again,. sorry for not posting here for so long
Merry X-mas everyone!
I think I should kind of apologize for not posting for so long. Especially after my last post
about knees burnt and stuff...
There's no real explanation, apart from not feeling too comfortable anymore. I only post in my own threads and hardly in anyone else's. I'm having some difficulty dealing with that.
But anyway, I'm OK
I didn't need a surgery for my knee so that was good. It's healed quite well.
I'm also tapering off Cymbalta. Yep... I've been having such bad stomachpains that I just couldn't do it any longer. In the past I had several meds for that, but nothing worked. High doses of omeprazol (Lozac) didn't help either. Doc put me on 80 mg, which is 4times the dose for normal people. This is actually only for people who have a certain kind of condition, but for me.... even these 80 mg did nothing. All those nights I was awake with pain, crying, sick, etc...
Then I suddenly though: waiaiaiaiait a minute... when did these pains start exactly? Well... erm... I traced it back to Cymbalta.... So I told G. I was going to quit. He didn't agree, wanted me to go higher in dosage, and said that physical pain is not a reason to quit. Ha. Right. If only he could know what I have been going through... He said the solution was easy: meds! I told him it wasn't that easy, since nothing has worked so far. Well, then the next step would be a GI-specialist. I said that it wasn't likely my GP would send me there... with my IBS and stuff. But, it made no difference. He was angry with me, sort of. Frustrated. That I was deliberately knocking myself down again this way.
Like I'm dancing around my livingroom happy with myself, my body, and
life when I can hardly sit up straight, have to move around all the time, only because I have such severe pains...
I decided to call my GP anyway, I wanted her to know my decision. She didn't sound happy either. But when I explained, she understood and said that she could support me in this. I do think she wants me back on it if it makes no difference in my stomachpains, but since I know that increasing meds is actually kind of useless with depression, I didn't say much to that.
First I wanted to know what would happen with going down/quitting.
And to be honest... since tapering off (I'm at 15 mg now) I haven't had any pains. Or only so short or slight that it's OK. I also know I'm still not off it completely so... It's harder than getting started though. When I made the step from 60/30 for a week, then 45/30 for a day, and then 30/30.... I got so dizzy that I got pretty scared. It was as if I was spinning around on a chair and then started walking. I had no coordination whatsoever, so I called S. to ask her if that was normal. She didn't know.
But advized me to
stay on 30 mg for about 10 days. And maybe for longer, as a sort of prevention.
But I'm a little stubborn. I want to quit. I'm now at 15mg a day. I'm extremely restless, I can't sleep at night, I need meds for that. I urinate myself to dehydration (yes, I do, I pee so much that I've lost quite a lot of weight, and no matter what I drink... it just doesn't help. Maybe I should use some more salts for a while). I'm still dizzy, that may never disappear fully (Cymbalta CAN cause lifelong dizzyness after quitting...) and I have some form of the much dreaded brainzaps.
So it's a lot harder to quit than to start for me. But I'm determined to keep this up and quit after my first exams in January.
My study is going well! I like it a lot and it feels like a really good choice! In a few weeks I'll get the material that I'm really interested in: learning about meds, how to prepare them and such. Because right now, I'm learning more about social stuff, than about meds
One very positive thing due to this study is that I'm learning and reading about the human body, anatomy and physiology. And after reading it a few times and slowly connection one chapter to the other and understanding how everything is connected in the body.... I've taken on a new attitude towards the body, my body and SI. it's really such a miracle how the human body works... it's kind of disrespectul to destroy that. To disconnect cells from their environment, to destroy them etc.
So, that's keeping me from doing it since last time. (which unfortunately ended up in hospitalization for a night
) That's 2,5 months ago. I
realle hope this can help me beat this
Apart from this, some new physical cr*p. My legs hurt during walking and standing up. I may know what it is, but I'm sure my GP says that's unlikely with me. I will be going to her next week, because it can't be good not to be able to stretch your legs, not being able to walk without pain, having to stop for a while to let the pain get less and mostly to twist my pelvis to be able to even walk. It's not something really new, but it's getting much worse.
We'll see how that ends up!
Anyway.... just wanted to say HI, and also say that inspite o f last years 'negative' things, I'm really looking forward to next year! I have faith in myself, I feel that I'm on the right track and I can't wait to find work in my new area of interest
Also, I don't look back at this
year with many bad feelings. To be honest: I feel this year was quite good really... It may sound a little weird: I've had 2 hospitalizations, one stay at
the ward for the Cymbalta-start for 4 weeks, I lost my job.... But when I look back I just cannot say that this was a bad year. I feel I made a new start in a
way and mostly look at the changes I made in how I deal with things and changes in how I was and now feel I am.
I'm not sure I'm here frequently by the way.... just felt like I had to update you. And again,. sorry for not posting here for so long
Merry X-mas everyone!
-Do not go gentle into that good night.
You've got to rage against the dying of the light- 
Happy
2009, R !!!
