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For now just two movies of kitty.

I can't help but think: oh my gosh, look at her cute little buuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuttttttttttttt with this one

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6JE0U76OAwg

Here she's just plain lazy really

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3BpAlo7AFE8

Hey Cladner,

thanks for asking.
I'm not really sure how I"m doing to be honest. I'm excited about starting my traineeship next Thursday, which is a good thing. I may start to work out at the gym that's provided by my MHI, which won't cost me any money, but it depends on what they can offer and at what times. It's not in my hometown, so getting there will cost me quite a bit of gas if I go there twice a week. On the other hand it's on the same route as my pharmacy, so maybe I can combine this.
I spoke to a nurse of the BoC after a sesson with G. (yep I still see him, mainly to work the referral through thoroughy) and she's one of the nurses I had a hard time with at certain moments. She didn't remember my name (good sign ), but of course my face was familiar and she told me she was in fact proud of me and what I had accomplished so far. She also told me NOT to give up my BoC, especially now, since starting the traineeship will probably be hard enough. It was good to hear that the team's still behind having it -I haven't used it much the past 1,5 years, even when I should have . But anyway, to them it's not a reason to ask/state that it can be stopped, and that's a pretty safe feeling for now. Even when I do question the use of it at times, I think it's OK to have it as a backup still. When I'm really a lot more stable it's early enough to discuss the use of it
I was just a little: "wow.. is this really R. saying she's proud of me?? *shock*"

Therer's also concern with my stupid heart. Or maybe not so much concern, just big annoyance. I'mn having lots and lots of extra heartbeats, about 20 every minute. I decided to get an EKG because its getting way out of control. I kind of knew what would happen though, and it did. Before the EKG and the hooking-up, it was bad. But right at the moment the EKG was made nothing showed. Apart from some non-relevant abnormalties, the EKG was OK.
Afterwards, when I was waiting for the clearance to go home because the EKG had been made succesfully, I thought I was going to freak out. And it's been that way ever since. Or actually, this has been going on for weeks now.
At this moment I'm having an extra heartbeat every other beat. My GP says: just don't focus on them! Yeah. Like that's even possible
I wake up with them too and it's just not nice anymore. The problem mostly is that I can take any meds for this since in normal situations my heartbeat's already quite low and that's a contra-indication.
Taking valium doesn't help a bit.
I walk, I take rest, I don't drink coffee, I do everything that's supposed to help avoid this, but I'm basically not getting any relief.
My breathing exercises help with my hyperventilation but the more I breathe through my stomach and 'do it well', the more I seem to feel my heart go wild. (which doesn't mean I'm not very happy with this therapy, as I am benefiting from it as well, more so than I thought!)
I'm pretty sure that it's not HV that's causing this and I also know I should rely on the EKG that was made that nothing major is wrong. It's just that I wish I knew the doctors could see I'm not overreacting when I say that I can easily make 15.000-20.000 extra heartbeats a day. Which is way more than considered 'nothing to worry about'.
They don't see it, because the 3 secs of the EKG show nothing. Darn it.
I'm thinking about getting myself to the ER, but I also think it won't do much. One: I may get another 3sec EKG and that's that.
Two: I think my GP won't be very happy. Ofcourse it's my health, but well...
Gosh I don't know. I want to stop being such a hypochondriac. Accept I have them and not pay attention to them so much

I also saw the specialist last Thursday for my stomach. He did take me at least seriously enough to say that to be sure it's not IBS I need to have a colon-exam. He also wants to get more insight into the tenderness/pain I've been feeling for a few months now in the right lower abdomen. I somehow believe it's gynaecological instead of my bowels, but it may also be the transition ileum/colon. I can't tell, neither can the doctor at this point. It's quit impossible it's appendicitis, as that would have given problems much sooner (or I'm just an exception in this as well ;-)) I was just happy when he felt my abdomen and I told him it was tender, he didn't say: oh yeah, that's pretty typical for IBS -like a lot of docs have told me.
I know it may indeed be IBS and I'm not even expecting something else, but at least it's clear. Especially with the remark a few years ago that some parts of the last bit of my sigmoid (I did have a sigmoidoscopy once) were red and seemed to have a bit of inflammation but 'that probably was nothing' without even taking a biopsy. This doc also agreed that should have been done with a finding like that.
To get an image of that area (my whole abdomen really) I'm getting an ultrasound first, in about 1,5 weeks from now.
I don't have a date yet for the colonexam. I still really feel pretty darn panicky about the preparation. I do have to make sure I'm not alone. I had some mild cramps/diarrhea the other day and I just couldn't even stand on my legs for a few hours without trembling like a jellopudding and feeling so weirdly lightheaded. But in normal situations at least I can eat and drink to get some energy again (that always helps, I found. getting sugars inside me after a diarrhea-attack is always a quick relief). This time I'm not even allowed to get sugars. It differs per hospital I noticed. Some do allow some sugars. Some allow applejuice. Most allow a light lunch the day of the prep. Mine doesn't. Mine says: no food after breakfast at 8:00am the day before. No sugars whatsoever during the prep.
So I'm trying to figure out what's best. Since there's no date yet, I'm trying not to freak out about it too much right now, but I am thinking of the best alternative. It's probably my BoC of my parents. In case I do pass out
The exam itself is not worrying me too much. Yet. I try to plan it during the time of the month I'm sure I won't be having my period. I refuse to undergo this when I do. Not so much because I feel too embarrassed, but more because my bowels are very painful those few days. No way I'm going to get 4 litres of Klean prep or those tubes inside me then. I'd rather wait for a few more weeks than having the risk of my period.
Doc also wants to do a stomach exam at the same time and see how the first bit of the ileum is holding up. So it's going to be a joyful experience I'm sure but they will give me a sedative at least. He mentioned: "you'll be asleep anyway", but I'm not sure if that means I will be put to sleep for sure or just get a shot of midazolam which CAN make me fall asleep but isn't 100% sure it will. I may get more info when I get the date and the tasty Klean Prep stuff anyway.

Plukkie is also not in her best condition. I had to take her to a this week, since she had a spot on her head that was getting bloody. And my thoughts about the smell from her beak were confirmed too, unfortunately. Her teeth need to be cleaned badly. Some parts are getting a bit inflammated. I'm a little upset with the shelter, because I wonder why they haven't done this. I can't do anything about that though, as I signed a form stating I knew it had to be done somewhere in the future. Yet, the way it look now kind of makes me wonder if this is 'fair play'.
It's not even so much the money (partly it is), but the stress. My gosh... getting her in her basket wasn't as hard as I thought, because I was a little quicker than she was. But the meowing... so sad She was trembling badly on the table, even the vet scratched his head asking me if this was how Pluk had been in the shelter too. I said it was likely, as they have been trying to get her out of her hidingplace for 2 months and hardly had any succes. The vet figures Pluk has had some very bad experiences, maybe not so much in the shelter maybe, but in her life. I think that's true. I mean: she plays and she loves to sit on my lap and cuddle. Yet, I also see her behaviour when I walk towards her when she sits in the hallway. Or other places in my house. She runs awawy. Also, there are still times when a movement of my hands scares her a lot. It's pretty sad to see when that happens and it does make me wonder what has happened to her. In her last home or maybe on the streets. Something I'll never know.
I know it's not the most important thing to focus on, especially since I just won't find out. I suppose it's way more important to keep providing her with safety and love and I have lots of that to give her (apart from scary vets ), so that shouldn't be a problem.

So this is me at the moment. Some healthissues, yet again, but I'm really trying not to let this take over completely. I'm not sure I'm succesful at that though

Plukkie is lucky to have such a kind owner. I can't see why Plukkie would be stressed either.
Well, I have to call the vet again today. I think the meds have messed up her system, she's been sneezing since last night and her eyes are a little watery. She had her shots, but most likely she's been infected with the HPV anyway and I've found that these kinds of medication can cause 'breakthroughs' of the virus. Thing is that I'm not sure if that's OK or if she should get something for it. She's not done with the current treatment yet and I'm a bit afraid the sneezing will get worse. Better safe than sorry.
I don't think I have to take P. to see the vet at this point. It would be a bit of a bad timing too, as I start my traineeship in an hour. I can see it already: "yeah...well.... sorry.... but today I have to go home early, because my cat is ill" If it's necessary then so be it ofcourse. I may not even be there the whole day. I have s suspicion today won't be the full 8 hours, but we'll see

@Guru: glad the links worked this time. I think it's abit strange, they're the same links if I'm correct? At least I didn't change anything. Oh well

Technically my car's fixed again, but I'm still waiting for insurancepapers from the company that shattered the backwindow. I was at therapy and when I came back, I thought the window was just really dirty. When I came closer I saw it was shatters to pieces completely
I knew who had done it thanks to a note under the wipers, and the company this guy worked for was still around, so I asked what had happened and how I should go to a garage now. This guy was a bit weird. He felt I could just drive with that window, but I refused. Even a slight pat on the sides of the window made the pieces come off, so going on the road would be way too dangerous. "Why, you can drive with it, no problem."
I asked him if I could send the ticket to them as well, should police pull me over. He looked at me as if I had lost it completely (so did I look that way at him though ) and finally after I kept refusing to drive, he got a colleague and they knocked the rest of the window out. There, was that so hard? They had big gloves and a bucket, so most of the glass was caught.
Anyway, after a week I got a new window. I was driving with an emergencywindow during the time, but the paste and tape started to losen in the heat. Plus, I had forgotten about it and been on the highway with an open window until I heard a sound in the back. Woops It was OK thought, but I closed my window ASAP.
It's been two weeks now, next week I'm going to call for the papers, because at this point my insurancecompany says it's 'my fault' and I have to pay 75 euros "own risk" as well. Besides that, it's not my fault and I don't want to pay more money for my new insurance if it's not my fault.
I'm glad that so far this is all damage though, the way people have been driving here lately, I might as well have had 2 new cars by now

OK, so now I have to go.... time for my first day (of trafficjams, I'm afraid )