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Correction.

I think I may be right after all. GPassistant said: Erythrocyte sedimentation rate is 1, so you don't have an infection or inflammation. Only potassium is very slightly below normal.
But sedimentation rates of 1 (as far as I found on the net) are actually too low. And too low does mean there are things that are a little off. I found that it may (as always) be unimportant, but sometimes it's not.
But it's not taken into consideration at all that this may indeed be an indication that not all is well.
I know I'm not fatally ill, but I am a little concerned that they just don't know that low ESR isn't necessarily good.

Plukkie... oh my God... my sweet little thing.... Vet called: 9 teeth have to be pulled I expected a cost of 100 euros or a little more, since I figured she may need to have one or two teeth pulled. In fact, it's 9. Her left side is worse than right, but in any case... her teeth have been rotting away
Even though I feel bad about leaving her like this for a few months, I do suspect the shelter knew about this. Vet said that this must have been present in the shelter, there's no way it's a matter of 3 months.
I am trying to get a deal with them, but I suspect it's my bad luck. I knew she had some problems, but I DIDN'T know her teeth almost literally fell out of her mouth. If I'd known, I wouldn't have taken her. I love her a lot now, but if I had known that it would give me a bill of 325 euros (!! added to the 160 I already spent on her fur and sneezing plus the costs I will have when she needs aftercare etc etc), I wouldn't have taken her. As cruel as that may sound now.
I told the vet to go ahead and help her anyway, even though I freaked about the costs. Plukkie is in no way fault and she cannot be the victim of a struggle between me and the shelter. I also know of course that if I say: no, don't do it... risks are increased that infections spread in her heart, blood, kidneys etc and then she'll be dead

And I know that I'm thinking ahead a bit too much in a negative way, but it's giving me a lot of stress at this moment. Not knowing how this will go, if and when I'll find a job, spending money like it's nothing... at this rate I really have to move. And I know it's not the end of the world. In fact that may even be good, giving me some relief in the moneypressurething. But at moments like these it's just a bit much to deal with. It's just a big confrontation with myself and my situation right now.
And I just can't stop crying. I should be focussing at my study, I have exams on Saturday. But I doubt I will get anything done right now.
Plukkie comes home in an hour or so and she needs to be taken care of. I'm scared, I don't know how good I will be at dealing with a can in pain and knowing how much problems she can still get. In a way I wish I could spend the night at the BoC, but Pluk needs me and I can't leave her alone.
I feel like a b*tch since it sounds like:I do not want a sick cat in my house. It's not that. I'm just feeling overwhelmed with a few things and I don't know if I'm able to get through in one piece.



edit: Next Monday I have the 24hour EKG. That's at least quick enough unlike my colonexam, which still hasn't been made. I called this morning and it may take up to a month to hear a date

Plukkie's been doing quite OK The last days of her antibiotics-treatment she didn't eat well, but nothing too serious. She didn't lose weight and she didn't get ill or anything. Last Tuesday I went to the vet to see how it all healed. Apart from one little tooth that he didn't finish off well, it's all very well. That little tooth can still cause problems the next few weeks by infecting and if that's the case, he needs to polish off the sharp edge. I have another appt in a month, so we'll see. I hope it's all OK, she deserves peace, quiet and no more pain by now.

Me, I'm a bit up and down, down and up. I had a bad week the week before this one. On Monday I hardly managed to stay on my feet, still feeling weak in my legs and walking around as a drunk. On Thursday I was so exhausted and 'done with it all' I made a lot of stupid and unnecessary mistakes that I kept making over and over.
When my coworker mentioned it for the 6th time and asked me what was wrong with me that day, I just bursted out in tears I know why, but I couldn't tell the full story. I could only mention Plukkie, together with a bit of 'confrontation with the past few years'.
There was no option telling them that the week before was almost all about my body, bringing back memories and fears and reliving my paramedic-trauma over and over, nor the urge to hurt myself. Mentioning Plukkie made it sound a bit ...I don't know. Oversensitive. Especially on a day where one coworker got results for breastexams back and another with a father dying ... But that was the best of two 'bads' since mentioning SI and all other stuff... well, it wouldn't make me look good.
It took me a while to get back to earth, but the afternoon went by pretty much quietly. Not a good week.
My physical stuff's just an ongoing bad soap,so I'll leave that out this time

I had a big exam last Saturday whichI think went pretty much OK. I have a good feeling about it, but I'll see in a month or so how I've done.
Also, this week was much better at the pharmacy, my mentor told me to 'keep this up' so that was nice to hear
I'm a bit stressed though, as there's a lot of issues around pharmacists. Government has new rules and only covers the cheapest meds. Pharmacists claim this means they will go down and have to fire people. Government refuses to give in. So chances are that when I'm done, I may not be able to find work
Maybe it won't get this bad, but it's not nice to find out, when last year everything seemed to look so bright

So as I said: up and down. I managed to keep myself in one piece for now, no SI-ing yet. So inspite of how crappy I feel in this area ( want to want to want to), I haven't done it. I'm not sure how I feel about it,maybe it's just the way it is. It's frustrating and positive at the same time, and that's just how it is.