The Third Quarter

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Mystiladi		#141	[-]
Posts: 5623 (10/17/09 01:07:22) Motherly Wisdom Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts	yikes, i can only imagine how tough that luncheon was on you. and here we go again...being thrown at once again, when what you REALLY need is for you and he to be in separate provinces!!! argh! i also think you handled it well, too, g, and i am so so sooooo proud of you!! one thing that has me curious tho...how did treat you?? aww, thanks, g, for offering to loan me the books. you're so sweet! but the truth is, besides being so stressed because of john, his care keeps me busy, too. seems i spend my life washing clothes and cleaning and sterilizing stuff so i won't get his infection...to say nothing of waiting on him hand and foot! but i'll take a rain check, if that's ok? hope you have a great weekend, too! btw, how's your mom doing? i've been meaning to ask for a while now! love and "The more passions and desires one has, the more ways one has of being happy."
Cladner		#142	[-]
Posts: 1707 (10/17/09 08:52:16) Professional Gurlie Gurl Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts	yay G......... I agree with Mys....... Seeing was the last thing you need, BUT you dealt with him. Give yourself some love lady. Switching jobs and movng would be the only way NOT to see and NO man is worth changing yourself so drastically. I guess it's a bit like any addiction. There will always be alcohol and food, but the trick is to fill the void inside, so we don't absue them CLADNER
Guru G		#143	[-]
Posts: 4697 (10/17/09 11:37:25) Fountain of Wisdom Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts	Thanks you guys! I will do my best to explain the books to you Mys, when I have a moment. They have really helped me a lot. I think yesterday was an example. was friendly and a little bit flirtatious. I do not understand him. But I have given up trying. (Interestingly, another friend of his told me recently that he thinks is bipolar.)
Guru G		#144	[-]
Posts: 4698 (10/17/09 19:48:45) Fountain of Wisdom Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts	Sorry Mys, I can't seem to retain more than one question at a time! Mom is doing fine - she has a second dog now, Sally, who gets along fine with (all-grown-up) Maggie. (Remember when I posted the pic of Maggie as a pup? She was so cute!) They all go down to California for the winter now and we will be joining them there for Christmas. I can't believe it's almost 4 years since my dad died. OK I am going to take a shot at explaining the approach in the Byron Katie book: 1. Take a thought that is causing you stress, e.g. "John is sick". Turn it into a "should": "John should be well". Your stress comes from the fact that what you want (the "should") is different from reality. 2. Question the "should" statement. Is it really true? Surely if he was supposed to be well (from a cosmic perspective), he would be. The theory is that what is real (he is sick) is what is supposed to be, at this moment. 3. How would you feel without the thought "John is sick"? Relieved, at peace? Can you think of one stress-free reason for keeping that thought? 4. Turn your thought around by reversing it and/or applying it to yourself (e.g. "John is well", "I am sick", "I am well") and consider whether the turned-around thoughts are as true as, or truer than, the original thought. This is supposed to give you insight about your beliefs and help you attain freedom from the ones that are causing you stress. It also shows us that what we think and feel about other people is a projection of ourselves. One dramatic insight I had after doing this work was that my whole life has been governed by fear - fear of abandonment, rejection, failure; fear of crime, attack, abuse; fear of pain, illness, death. In realizing that everything that is supposed to happen (and ONLY that which is supposed to happen) happens, I was able to let a big chunk of that fear (not quite all, but a lot) simply evaporate.
Guru G		#145	[-]
Posts: 4701 (10/18/09 10:43:53) Fountain of Wisdom Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts	The other book "The Pathway" works like this: You need to develop "parent" voices in your head - one is the nurturing "mother" who provides you with a safe place to express your feelings, and the other is the limit-setting "father" who puts some structure, reason and common sense into the picture. So, when you're "below the line" (not feeling happy/peaceful), go through the following process (in your head, on paper or out loud): - express all your anger, fear, sadness and/or guilt in as much detail as possible and summoning up as much emotion as possible; - then identify the "unrealistic expectations" that are behind the feelings; - then come up with a more realistic expectation to replace each unrealistic one. When you are "above the line", reinforce that feeling by expressing what you are feeling happy about, grateful for or proud of.
Cladner		#146	[-]
Posts: 1708 (10/19/09 15:37:08) Professional Gurlie Gurl Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts	Sounds like some interesting reading there Guru G! I'm glad to hear your Mom is doing well! It's a good plan not wasting your time trying to figure out . Hopefully you had a good Monday! CLADNER
Guru G		#147	[-]
Posts: 4704 (10/19/09 20:27:03) Fountain of Wisdom Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts	Thanks C! I was not feeling well yesterday and slept almost all day (15 hours total). Back to normal today. I was either fighting a bug or just exhausted. I think the episode was a test from the universe because I had been doing so well. It is almost comical - I do so well to stay away from him and then this happens! Oh well - I still think I did well (even though it kinda wrecked my Saturday because I was still thinking about it).
Cladner		#148	[-]
Posts: 1710 (10/20/09 11:23:13) Professional Gurlie Gurl Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts	I'm glad you're feeling better G.... Sometimes a lot of rest is the best medicine. If the universe was testing you, I'd say you passed! Great work! Maybe thoughts found their way into one Saturday, but he no longer rules your thinking. It's major progress. Happy fall! CLADNER
Guru G		#149	[-]
Posts: 4705 (10/21/09 20:31:23) Fountain of Wisdom Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts	Thanks C! This week is going fine - no sign of , either in my head or in person.
Cladner		#150	[-]
Posts: 1711 (10/22/09 15:44:54) Professional Gurlie Gurl Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts	Good stuff G!!!!!! Do you get pretty orange, red and yellow leaves like Ontario does this time of year? I hope the -less thoughts continue! Happy almost friday! CLADNER
Guru G		#151	[-]
Posts: 4706 (10/23/09 18:36:39) Fountain of Wisdom Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts	Thanks C! We do have some fall colour, but not like you do in the east. We are getting into our foggy, damp, windy time of year. Happily, a week from tomorrow I will be heading down south for 2 weeks of sunshine! Tomorrow (Saturday) is challenge day. I am going to practice the Byron Katie approach and see how I do. Interestingly, it's worked really well on my weight and running issues. I am accepting I am at the "right" weight and physical health level for me at this time, given my age, genes, bone structure, history, stress level, hormones, eating habits and physical therapy. If I accept that, then the stress created from what I want not being the same as what is, disappears. I should not be any different from the way I am now, because if I WAS supposed to be different, I would be. Regarding , does it do me any good to think about him? No. How would I feel without thoughts of him in my head? More relaxed, happier, at peace, lighter, kinder, funnier, more confident. Can I see a reason to let those thoughts go? Yes. Can I think of a stress-free reason to keep those thoughts? No. Have a good weekend everyone!
Cladner		#152	[-]
Posts: 1712 (10/24/09 12:38:43) Professional Gurlie Gurl Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts	Ah....I forget BC gets more fog/rain than Ontario. We get a killer winter, which i hate, so enjoy that BC mildness, G! Wicked analysing with the Byron approach! I couldn't help thinking, "What will be, will be." How'd today go with the thoughts? CLADNER
Guru G		#153	[-]
Posts: 4707 (10/24/09 21:06:23) Fountain of Wisdom Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts	Not bad... every time I thought of , I followed it with "did that thought make me feel better?", which in turn was followed by "no" and "let it go". So, partial success. I will keep practicing!
Cladner		#154	[-]
Posts: 1713 (10/25/09 10:05:33) Professional Gurlie Gurl Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts	Nice progress. Doesn't it take thirty days to change a habbit? Be patient with yourself..... You're doing well! CLADNER
Guru G		#155	[-]
Posts: 4712 (10/30/09 17:30:44) Fountain of Wisdom Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts	This is just to let you know that I will be out of town on vacation yay! for the next two weeks, so may not be on the board much, if at all. Take care and
Cladner		#156	[-]
Posts: 1718 (11/02/09 16:18:55) Professional Gurlie Gurl Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts	Have a great vacation Guru G! We'll miss you! CLADNER
Guru G		#157	[-]
Posts: 4720 (11/09/09 08:57:40) Fountain of Wisdom Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts	Thanks C! I am still on vacation - finally got internet access. Things have been going fine here - a bit busy last week, but this week is going to be more relaxing. DH had an infection and was on antibiotics so couldn't drink, which was a nice break. Vacations are always interesting psychologically because I spend more time "in my head" - at home I am always busy, so rarely get to spend "quiet time" with myself. I often have periods of anger, self-hatred, anxiety, depression and fatigue when I am on vacation, but generally get through it and end up more centered. I also tend to have more ED behaviour when on vacation, i.e. more restricting and corresponding overeating. I think it's just a matter of all my suppressed stuff bubbling up to the surface. Did think about on Saturday - that habit is hard to break! - but the distance is making me realize just how ridiculous it is to hang onto these thoughts. One of the advantages of being away - it does put things into better perspective.
Cladner		#158	[-]
Posts: 1725 (11/09/09 16:40:49) Professional Gurlie Gurl Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts	Welcome back G! I'm glad you're having a less stressful week. I hear you with vacation "head" negativity. It's a bit like birthdays. We think we SHOULD be happy, so often reality disappoints. It's getting through those feelings when progress is made as you say.....keep getting those Saturdays! Every Saturday that passes is a victory! Love. CLADNER
Guru G		#159	[-]
Posts: 4725 (11/16/09 21:06:26) Fountain of Wisdom Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts	Thanks C! Had a smooth transition back to home and work (though the change in weather from warm sun to cold wind & rain was a bit of a shock to the system!). I had a weird dream about on the last night there. I dreamed we were walking on opposite sides of a street towards the same point, in such a way that we were going to bump into each other. But he saw me and started walking faster so as not to have to talk to me. I started running to catch up with him and he ran away from me. Hmmm.
Cladner		#160	[-]
Posts: 1730 (11/17/09 09:48:07) Professional Gurlie Gurl Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts	Maybe your subconscious is telling you to walk at your own pace, G? In any race, we must run for ourselves or progress feels futile. I hope your week is going well G! CLADNER

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